Once Upon a Time: Reginald Lettuce

The singer of palid hat entered late the lobby of the old “Re-Delux-Fluflux Hotel”, where the finest and wealthiest aristocrats were awaiting for him to start his song.

But as we give the artist a little time to prepare for singing, I’ll provide you with some additional context of the scene.

The lobby was imposing; it was covered with the most expensive barks the money could cut down, reinforced with golden nails that every so often used to disapear (everything points to the cleaning staff); even the red carpet, over which all of those opulent celebrities, those who could afford such onerous entrance, was made of “True mat of Gala-de-Pagos, braided by hand by locals”, that means: IMPORTED.

All guests went towards the hotel’s private theater, whose white seats, aside of smelling good (that is saying a lot to any theater), had just embroidered on the back the name of all those who bought their golden ticket, with diamond thread and obviously written with a pretty typography with plenty of serif.

At the precise moment in which the last attendee sat down after asking for a popcorn bowl of the entrance trader, (who sold them “just for this night” at the “only price such distinguished clientage would buy IMPORTED popcorn, without ever noticing its true and worriyng NATIONAL procedence”), the show started.

The overdimensioned red curtain, also imported from Gala-de-Pagos, opened slowly; revealing that white hat figure. Once more, with the reflectors over him and the orchestra ready for its interpretation, at the guitarron strumming he started singing:

Have you heard Reginald Lettuce's tale?
Listen today, attentive you must remain!

In the town where I've grown,
so fine in grayscale tone.
I met someone craving wealth,
a lettuce of green and health,
his story is mine to tell.

A hundred publicist he called
And all but one questioned 'What?'
Could that veggie hit the nail?
How much bad could it make,
that the current could not stake?

Lettuce for President!
The news aflying went.
Lettuce for President!
Declared without repent.
Lettuce for President!
I saw it, my word I bet.

He was without a doubt a hit.
A veggie, the office lead?
Such oddity and scandal!
Should it need a head at least?
What about an eye or ear?

Not at all! No need for them.
If numbers keep high in brim!
When everyone trust on him,
well could he be chair or steam,
no one he'd ever deceive.

Lettuce for President!
The news aflying went.
Lettuce for President!
Declared without repent.
Lettuce for President!
I saw it, my word I bet.

Elections finally came,
he waits not even afraid.
Then he swept the polls with success,
on monday the solemn took place,
on tuesday president became.

But shortlived was his joy and fame!
Just his advisor was to blame.
On the jubilation he mistook
his very master with his own food,
and ate him saltless and badly chewed...

There's no more President!
The news aflying went.
Lettuce for President!
Eaten was without repent.
Lettuce for President!
I saw it, my word I bet.

THE END

STORMER